I am going to be honest…these 3 months of being home have been the hardest to connect with God.
I’ve allowed myself to become lazy in my pursuit of His heart and His will in my life. And deep in my heart, I know that’s not really where I want to be. I know it’s not where I should be.
And the thing is….even when I’ve been unfaithful to spend that time seeking His will and way, He’s never in one moment been unfaithful to me. In any way. Sometimes we feel ‘far away from God’. I honestly think it’s Him hiding a little bit so our souls that were made for intimacy with Him will become thirsty for Him again.
“O True God, You are my God, the One whom I trust. I seek You with every fiber of my being. In this dry and thirsty land with no water in sight, my soul is dry and longs for You. My body aches for You, for your presence.” Psalm 63:1
He keeps calling me in little whispers to come with Him. To just let Him take my fears. But sometimes those fears are comfortable to hold onto…because we know them so well. Inside and out. We hate these fears, but are afraid to let go of them because what’s outside of them is unknown to us.
“And I’ll be your lighthouse when you’re lost at sea
And I will illuminate everything
No need to be frightened by intimacy
Just throw off your fear and come running to me”
“Out of hiding” by Steffany Gretzinger
“I’m wide awake, drawing closer by grace, and all my heart is yours; All fear removed, I breathe you in I lean into your love.”
“Sinking deep” by Hillsong United
He keeps washing me over and over in His goodness and grace…
“You set your treasure, in jars of clay. so take this heart Lord, I’ll be your vessel, the world to see, your life in me. Amazing grace, how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.”
“Amazing Grace” by Hillsong United
I have been so confused at life lately. Just barely getting in and out of each day. Trying so hard to get through this hard season. But 2 things different people in my life have said.
What in this situation is God wanting to grown in me? Why not instead of just dragging through it, look for the areas he wants me to grow in for the next level of life.
and second, to enjoy the journey. The pain, the busy, the mundane, what ever it is we don’t like, ENJOY IT! Because it is teaching us and growing us for something far greater we can ever imagine!
And when I remember that, it excites me and even though it may still be difficult, my heart and attitude are in alignment with what God is wanting to do!
And it all starts, with me willing to sit at the feet of Jesus, even if I don’t think I have time, and letting His word wash it’s radiance over my thirsty soul…!
” Your grace abounds in deepest waters, your sovereign hand will be my guide…when oceans rise my soul will rest in your embrace.”